


Down in Produce

by Wolf_of_Lilacs



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, M/M, Other, POV Outsider, apple and orange au?, is the best I've got, wtf is this au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-03-06 08:16:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18847153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolf_of_Lilacs/pseuds/Wolf_of_Lilacs
Summary: Being an account of the sordid affair of the green apple and blood orange, or...An exercise in utter absurdity and inevitable tragedy.(Or the one where Harry is an apple, Voldemort is an orange, and the Weasleys are a bunch of bananas.)





	Down in Produce

**Author's Note:**

> Begun as a writing exercise on Discord.
> 
> I have no excuse for this.

Nothing much of interest happens down in produce, at least not normally. When you’re part of a bunch of bananas, you’re life is pretty well laid out: from the picking to the shipping (sometimes with spiders and who knew what else, and Tree Ron _hated_ spiders), and then to the waiting bit. Better hope you’re satisfactory to someone…or so the rumors went.

Ron thought his life was quite interesting, really. An apple and an orange, not too far away, seemed to be pining for each other across the distance that separated them. Sure, they were mostly like any other apple or orange. But Ron was still sure they were pining.

The orange was one of a number of small-ish oranges, with a faint reddish tinge to their peel. The apple was vibrantly green. Ron thought they matched, in an odd sort of way. Percy was wrong about that, dammit. What did he know, anyway? He was a banana. Where did he learn anything?

Anyway, back to more important things. The way the apple and the orange were precariously balanced at the edge of their shelves. The tension that sort of emanated from their vicinity. Okay, there _was_ tension, he was positive. Fuck Fred and his skepticism.

And then a shopper came by.

Shoppers: the most interesting part of Ron’s day. Today was, however, exceptional, because it was the apple and orange’s turn. They were placed in separate bags (cue Ron’s disappointment, not at all eased by Percy’s helpful explanation about pricing and such) in a basket. The shopper began to wheel the basket away, but was jostled by another shopper running past.

And praise the Tree! In the brief confusion that followed, the apple and orange managed to roll close enough to press peels together through the plastic.

Ron was absolutely thrilled for them. It was an occasion worth celebrating. Fuck Fred! Seriously, even Percy had noticed.

But then he heard the rustle of plastic and felt himself being lifted. Well, so it goes. It was their turn for bagging now.


End file.
